Out With the New, In With the Old

Starcraft 2 is fucked. There is no other way to put it. I feel the game is a complete let down. Granted, it's in beta right now, but so much needs to change by it's July release, I just don't see how they can fix it. I'm not going to go into details... any of the popular forums explain it enough.

So, to get my gaming fix, I'm kicking it old school. So... here are the reviews for the games I've finished this past week.


MEGA MAN 3

Classic Mega Man game play, with the introduction of Rush and Protoman. Rush is Mega Man's robotic companion that can provide additional support such as a spring to jump to higher spaces (Rush Coil), a jet to fly around the screen (Rush Jet), or a submersible to move freely in water (Rush Marine). Protoman occasionally appears to fight you, although I'm never really sure why. His character origin is somewhat explained in the end credits.

If you like the Mega Man series, can't go wrong here. Which leads me to...



MEGA MAN 4

More Mega Man. The main villian this time around is a Dr. Cossack and eight more robots. Rush is here again, but his Rush Jet is gimped. It only allows you to fly in a straight line from his point of set up. There is a new addition in Eddie (aka "Fliptop") who periodically appears and tosses a power up of some kind your way. Protoman is absent for the most part.

Again, typical Mega Man action, if that's your bag.





NINJA GAIDEN

I'm playing all these games on an NES emulator. That said, I don't think this game can be completed without "save state". This game hates you. This game hates your family. This game hates itself. I had to save and restore my way through the entire game and don't feel any cheaper for doing so because it is so damn difficult.

You're a ninja and you're out to find out who killed your father. You're pulled into a conspiracy involving the CIA, demon statuettes that look like xenomorphs from Aliens and an evil wizard named Jaquio. All of them want to kill you. And they will, again and again and again.

Still a cool game just for what Tecmo did with the cutscenes on the NES, so if you couldn't cut it on the original console, maybe you can now that you can save it anywhere you want. And you will.

Movie Review - The Human Centipede

If you haven't heard anything about this movie, here it is in a nutshell : Some crazy German doctor is obsessed with sewing animals and humans together in threes : ass to mouth. Yeah. I don't know either.

Pretty cookie-cutter set up starts us off. A couple of American girls visiting Europe break down in the woods and happen on Herr Doktor's house. He drugs them and we get right down to sewing these two in said manner to the "lead segment", a poor Japanese fellow who doesn't speak English.

So that's the movie. It gets right to it, with no explanation why the doctor has this obsession with sewing living creatures together this way. There's a small amount devoted to escape attempts, and the end when the doctor is discovered by police, but, for the most part, it's the doctor and his creation spending quality time together.

The controversy from the movie comes from the manner in which the people are sewn together and how... business... is taken care of. Aside from one scene (and nothing is shown, it's the implied thought) there isn't much more to cringe at. Well, other than the idea of having your mouth sewn to someone's anus.

The whole thing is completely ludicrous, of course. The saving factor of the movie was Dieter Laser (Dr. Heiter). The guy is just frigging weird. I'm talking above his weird fetish, the guy is just plain creepy. We walks around in TF2 medic garb and aviators most of the movie and there are long shots of him just making weird faces.

Anyway, I'm sure it's destined to become a cult hit, and it's watchable, but I think that The Human Centipede doesn't live up to the controversy.

Mission Complete!

Completed : Castlevania - Circle of the Moon

I think this was one of the first games available for the Gameboy Advance, which dates it. Depending on your love of the Castlevania series, you'll either love it or hate it. I have always liked the Castlevania games, so I enjoyed this one. Strangely you don't play a Belmont in this one and there is a "card" system in place to give you additional power ups. Typical Castlevania play otherwise. Explore, kill bosses, get items to help you continue on.

Full details here : Castlevania - Circle of the Moon

Movie Reviews

Saw two movies this past week : Kick-Ass and the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street. Here's my thoughts, spoiler free.

Kick-Ass - I enjoyed this one quite a bit, but it wasn't as awesome as I thought it was going to be. I really wanted to see more heroics and less "down time". On top of that, the real hero(ine) of the movie was Hit Girl. Chloe Moretz stole the show and was a certifiable bad ass. I've gotten real sour to Nicholas Cage, but he didn't detract from the movie to much and I got a little bonus out of his character in one of the more action oriented scenes. Aaron Johnson as the title character was good as the reluctant Kick-Ass, but as I mentioned before, I wanted to see less of his civie life and more of him... well... kicking ass. I still recommend the movie, though, and hope a sequel delivers more action.

A Nightmare on Elm Street - I'm going to start out by saying I love Freddy. I've seen a lot of people poo-poo'ing this movie, but Freddy was the man back in the 80's, as far as I'm concerned. He had personality, a wicked sense of humor and he just liked to fuck with you. The new Freddy seemed neutered to me. Sure, he was darker, but he didn't toy with his victims to much. That said, I thought the movie was a lot better than some of the reviews I've been reading. I wouldn't say it was great, but I also don't think it's the stinker it's being made out to be. I liked that they expanded on his back story more, but I hope if they make sequels, they give Freddy his humor back. I'm going to have give this one a "Meh".

Random

Started playing Bayonetta today. Have no clue what the hell is going on in this game, other than Bayonetta hates angels and wants to kill them as brutally as possible. A fat Joe Pesci like character is along for the ride as an informant and there's some big tattooed brother who runs a bar called The Gates of Hell where he sells guns.

I can't get into season 3 of Dexter. It just is... meh. We're almost through it and hope that season 4 is better. Started the American version of The Office tonight. Wasn't to bad. I just don't get zealous over television like others do. Television shows get milked to long, and they run out of ideas. A show should start strong and end before it's gets to weak (Battlestar - I'm looking at you)

Not seeing a lot of enthusiasm for the new Nightmare on Elm Street. I hope it does well, I love Freddy, but I'm tired of all the reboots. The problem is, people still continue to purchase tickets to this drivel and the studios make money, so they churn it out.